Constitutional Army Overthrows Santa Claus
In a surprise attack just before dawn, a Constitutional force returned from exile to lay seige to the North Pole. Having been kicked out many years ago by Santa Claus, the militants had taken refuge in the United States. For years, they waited for the right time to strike. Yesterday was that day.
It began innocently enough. The Equal Protection Clause scheduled a meeting to discuss elvish opportunities, and though Santa opposed it, he did not have a compelling enough interest that could prevent it. When the gates to the North Pole compound opened, however, the Equal Protection Clause was not alone. The Indian Commerce Clause had stealthily crept to the gate and held it open long enough for the Commerce Clause to sweep in and seize control of all of Santa Claus's workshops and subsidiaries. With the Dormant Commerce Clause waiting outside, the Takings Clause charged in and claimed the land for the purposes of the Constitutional Army. Though he initially contemplated paying Santa for the displacement, the Establishment Clause convinced him not to give any money to St. Nick.
The elves did not resist, and it is believed Santa Claus has gone into hiding. The Constitutional Army suspects the Due Process Clause may have tipped Santa off to the impending invasion. When pressed for comment, the Supremacy Clause stated, "No matter how good our plans are, somehow the Due Process Clause always gets in our way. He's been causing problems since he got here."
Though glad to have reclaimed their spot at the North Pole, the Constitutional Army still expressed some bitter feelings toward Santa Claus. "That fat, old man thinks he can drop the 'e' and suddenly he's better than us," vented the Equal Protection Clause.
"I think he knows who's in charge now," quipped the Supremacy Clause.
It began innocently enough. The Equal Protection Clause scheduled a meeting to discuss elvish opportunities, and though Santa opposed it, he did not have a compelling enough interest that could prevent it. When the gates to the North Pole compound opened, however, the Equal Protection Clause was not alone. The Indian Commerce Clause had stealthily crept to the gate and held it open long enough for the Commerce Clause to sweep in and seize control of all of Santa Claus's workshops and subsidiaries. With the Dormant Commerce Clause waiting outside, the Takings Clause charged in and claimed the land for the purposes of the Constitutional Army. Though he initially contemplated paying Santa for the displacement, the Establishment Clause convinced him not to give any money to St. Nick.
The elves did not resist, and it is believed Santa Claus has gone into hiding. The Constitutional Army suspects the Due Process Clause may have tipped Santa off to the impending invasion. When pressed for comment, the Supremacy Clause stated, "No matter how good our plans are, somehow the Due Process Clause always gets in our way. He's been causing problems since he got here."
Though glad to have reclaimed their spot at the North Pole, the Constitutional Army still expressed some bitter feelings toward Santa Claus. "That fat, old man thinks he can drop the 'e' and suddenly he's better than us," vented the Equal Protection Clause.
"I think he knows who's in charge now," quipped the Supremacy Clause.
4 Comments:
Ahhh... law school humor :)
You know that would probably be a lot funnier to me if I had paid attention in history to know what all those clauses were.
I just got the whole claus/clause thing :)
-NDBC
Yeah, I just read this, and it's been a good while since you posted it, but it was quite amusing. Two important clauses were left out, though; both the in-justiciable "Guarantee Clause" and the slightly-not-real "Benevolent Monarchy Under Matt Shelby Clause."
Post a Comment
<< Home