When Facts Collide...
Last night I woke up at about 3am because my stomach hurt. I just didn't feel very good at all. So I drank some water and wandered into my kitchen. On the counter was a box of Saltines. Now everybody knows that Saltines are supposed to help calm an upset stomach, so I decided this would be an opportune moment to test that theory.
I opened the box and had myself a Saltine. Then realizing that I was pretty hungry, I ate another one. And then another one. And then one more. About fifteen seconds had elapsed since my first cracker. So then I remembered that it's supposed to be impossible to eat ten saltines in under a minute. I thought to myself, "I'm already at four...what the hell." So I pulled out the sleeve of crackers and had at it. I probably ate about twelve in about a minute thirty. It being 3am and pitch black, I didn't have a watch to time myself, but I figured I gave it a good run. Then I remembered that my stomach hurt, and apparently the marginal utility of saltines in calming upset stomachs rapidly fades after about four. So needless to say, I was certainly no better off. In fact, now my stomach hurt and I had cotton-mouth. Not cool.
So in short, I think that there should be a warning on the side of Saltine boxes telling people that yes, saltines are good for upset stomachs and no, you can't eat more than ten in a minute, but most importantly, that you should never try both at once.
I opened the box and had myself a Saltine. Then realizing that I was pretty hungry, I ate another one. And then another one. And then one more. About fifteen seconds had elapsed since my first cracker. So then I remembered that it's supposed to be impossible to eat ten saltines in under a minute. I thought to myself, "I'm already at four...what the hell." So I pulled out the sleeve of crackers and had at it. I probably ate about twelve in about a minute thirty. It being 3am and pitch black, I didn't have a watch to time myself, but I figured I gave it a good run. Then I remembered that my stomach hurt, and apparently the marginal utility of saltines in calming upset stomachs rapidly fades after about four. So needless to say, I was certainly no better off. In fact, now my stomach hurt and I had cotton-mouth. Not cool.
So in short, I think that there should be a warning on the side of Saltine boxes telling people that yes, saltines are good for upset stomachs and no, you can't eat more than ten in a minute, but most importantly, that you should never try both at once.
4 Comments:
Having fed you all the Saltine ideology, I feel I am partly to blame. Please forgive me.
Hey, we've tested out the eating saltines fast challenge before, so you should know that it is impossible. Don't be angry at the saltines for besting you.
As the saying goes, "All things in moderation." -Sarah
Aahh yes. The Saltine Challenge. It is definetely impossible. But I have a good story about it. So its going in my blog.
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