Patterns in My Life...

Before I begin this post, it seems only fair that I mention both Auburn and dragons. With that out of the way, I can now begin to discuss my real purpose for being here today--boredom.

That's right. I am really really bored. This appears to be happening with some frequency lately, as indicated by my previous three posts. I am at work right now and have absolutely nothing to do. So far today, I have read 75 pages of a book, played online poker for an hour and a half, read ESPN.com, read CNN.SI.com, read Yahoo News, signed a promissary note electronically, and played on facebook. I also took an hour lunch...Lord knows I needed the break.

So while playing on facebook, I decided to write on someone's wall. Then I thought it would be cool to see just how many walls I could write on today. I got to three. Then I got bored again. I have a question for all my people out there reading this. Is my attention span really that short? I mean, come on. Three? Where's the initiative? Where's the motivation and persistence? I swear I did use to (colloquialism alert) have it. Well I assured myself that this was not a trend in my life. I'm no quitter (see three blogs prior). But then something caught my eye(s). The dates of my blog postings are listed here. When I first started writing, I wrote 5 in the first month, 2 in the second, then 1 in the third, and 1 in the fourth. I then took two months off and had 2 posts within three days of each other. I had one four months later. Then I had three, six months later, within 11 days of each other. Nearly a year later, I have 5 within a month and a half. My question to you dear readers is not "How short is my attention span?" but rather, "Do I have one?"

Now give this some serious thought, for my sake. My battles with SOS and Sports ADD are well documented. I've had to eliminate screen savers that have the ball that bounces everywhere. I lost days of my lives. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. We all know that reflective silverware or big earrings are too much for my mind to comprehend. If you throw a ball I would rather die than let it hit the ground. In light of these facts and everything you know about me, I encourage you to let me know if you think I even have an attention span, and if so, how long you think it is. I anxiously await your responses--at least for the next few seconds.

Devaluing SHC Diplomas One Application at a Time

This post probably should have been written prior to my last one about the golden arches, but they are certainly related. If the time order really bothers you, just consider this a spin-off.

So I'm out looking for summer jobs. I'm fresh off my sales experience (see below) and ready to trade money for either dignity or, more likely, a steady summer job. I print out roughly twenty applications and hit the streets. There is nothing more humbling than walking into Bruno's, Wal-Mart, Winn-Dixie, Rite-Aid, McDonalds, and other similar establishment and having to fill out an application. Now imagine doing that twenty times and you have imagined how this day went for me. But that's not the point, really. This isn't about humility really. It's about irony and finding humor in life's interesting little situations.

So my day had been relatively uneventful. I'd hit stripmalls looking for work (good thing I practiced last Friday with my felon in a mini-van). I arrive at Bruno's at University and Airport. I pull in my parking spot and as I'm getting out, I see this little old lady backing out of a space two cars down. No big deal, really, except that a big green car was headed straight back for her car from the other side. This was one of those moments when the only thing I could thing was, "Yep...this is inevitable." And.....crunch. No major damage really--just a few scratches on the cars. I'm out of the car now, as is the old lady, and I'm wondering why no one has gotten out of the green car. Hmm...let me see. Well, it appears as if there is no one in the green car. That's in interesting development. I look inside and notice it's a manual and the break was left down. Being the proud owner of a manual, I understand that these things happen. Unfortunately for this car's owner, it happened on a rather steep incline.

So the green car has now stopped and the old lady is more upset about not being able to back out than about her car, which is understandable because she was driving a tank. I tell her to stay there and I'd go page the person whose car it was. So I go inside to the customer service desk and see a manager. I explain to her what happened and ask her to page the owner. She does so and I head back outside, assuring the old lady that she'll be on her way soon.

I'm now looking for bricks or a board or anything that I could find that would hold the green car in place. I could easily push it out of the way, but keeping it in its spot was another matter. So I run into this 16 year old bag boy/cart retriever in the parking lot and he wants to know what's going on. So I explain to him what happened and asked if he has anything to prop the car up with. He says he doesn't, but he'll go look. So off he goes, and the owner of the green car has still not arrived.

A few minutes later, the bag boy comes back with a second 16 year old bag boy (it must have been a busy day at Bruno's), and says, "Nope, couldnt find anything." So at this point, the old lady is really getting ticked off, so the three of us push the green car into a spot so she could leave, but now we have to physically hold this car in place while we wait for the owner. I made a little small talk with the baggers and eventually the owner showed up. It was her husbands car, she never drives it, yada yada yada...great. So she's gets in and off she goes. I now go back to my car and grab a resume and go inside to apply for a job.

So I just demonstrated good thinking skills, good customer service skills, and resourcefulness. I have a college degree, a strong GPA, and lots of good extracurricular involvements. In light of these facts, I would think my chances were pretty good of landing a job on the bag boy staff. As I'm filling out my application I'm carrying on a polite conversation with the manager who is commending me for helping the old lady, etc. I figured I was doing pretty well. I finish up the application and head out of the store. On my way out, I run into the bag boy and he notes that I didnt even buy anything after all that. I told him I was just looking for a summer job and here is my favorite part of the whole story. He says," Well, I'll put in a good word for you." Now I know it was a nice thing for him to say and he surely meant well by it, but even typing it now makes me laugh. I think most everyone can appreciate this statement for what it's worth. I quickly thanked him for what I'm sure will be the crucial testimonial I need to get this job, and I left.

Now that, in and of itself, I found amusing. However, when coupled with the fact that I never received a call back from Bruno's, it gets a lot funnier. So the question I have now is what exactly do you have to do to get a job there? Did I need to throw myself between the two cars intially, using myself as a human bumper? Did I need to drop myself down as a 130-lb wedge keeping the car in place? Surely they must have very high standards at Bruno's. Maybe one day I'll do something courageous enough to warrant a treasured position on their staff.

So...This is What It Feels Like to be Overqualified....

So apparently many have noticed my facebook reference to working at McDonalds and have inquired as to whether or not I was "lovin' it." Sadly, I may never know.

I sought employment at McDonalds for a night job to make a little extra cash money, right? I'm not above a little burger flipping, and I've always loved the way "Would you like fries with that?" has rolled off my tongue. I always felt it was an amusing gift, but surely not a talent I would have to utilize. But alas, I found myself at the golden arches, filling out an application that reminded me at every step of the wonderful career path I had chosen. So I turned it in and the manager looked it over, engaged in a little small talk about high school, said that her brother was a TKE, and that she was sure she could help me out. While I was glad to have a job offer, after being shot down at Bruno's, Dollar General, and Rite-Aid, among others, it did occur to me that this was McDonalds. I was now that guy. I have a college degree and I'm working at McDonalds. That's right...I am single-handedly decreasing the value of all of your diplomas! Take that, my fellow alumni!

So the manager asks me to come back Sunday at 3:30 to fill out some paperwork and we could get started. At this point, I was a little jazzed about getting to wear those cool green shirts with the awesome black visor, so I left on a little bit of a high. Sunday rolls around, as does Tropical Storm Arlene. Hardly a force to be reckoned with, I know, but at 3:30 pm it was at its worst where I live, and my baby Sentra was practically floating. But hey, I am not one to slack off, even at McDonalds. Being the good employee that I am, I drove up there anyways. There is not one customer at McDonalds, but I did find the manager, who surprised to find me there said," Wow! I didnt think anybody would show up, so I didnt even bring the paperwork. My bad. Can you come Monday after you get off work?" Being very understanding about the whole thing, but questioning her managerical abilities, I assured her I would be there. So I launched from the McDonalds parking lot and sailed on home.

Quitting time arrives on Monday, so I head back to McDonalds, ready to dazzle my new coworkers. I walk in and get to the front of the line and this is the exchange:

"Hi, welcome to McDonalds! What can I get for you?"
"...The manager..."

He now looks puzzled slightly (probably wondering what to charge for that or if I would like it supersized), but calls over a consultant. I inform the ominpotent assistant manager that I was here to fill out paperwork and to see the manager. He too looks puzzled. Curious myself now, I asked the obvious question--"Is she here?" I am now told that she is not, and in fact, is on vacation for the rest of the week. Awesome. Well I am now positive that she has taken some executive training from Wal-Mart in customer service and human resources. I politely thank the two young men and head out the door, quite probably never to return.

So next time someone asks if I'm "lovin' it," I think I'll respond with the old saying, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."