When Facts Collide...
Last night I woke up at about 3am because my stomach hurt. I just didn't feel very good at all. So I drank some water and wandered into my kitchen. On the counter was a box of Saltines. Now everybody knows that Saltines are supposed to help calm an upset stomach, so I decided this would be an opportune moment to test that theory.
I opened the box and had myself a Saltine. Then realizing that I was pretty hungry, I ate another one. And then another one. And then one more. About fifteen seconds had elapsed since my first cracker. So then I remembered that it's supposed to be impossible to eat ten saltines in under a minute. I thought to myself, "I'm already at four...what the hell." So I pulled out the sleeve of crackers and had at it. I probably ate about twelve in about a minute thirty. It being 3am and pitch black, I didn't have a watch to time myself, but I figured I gave it a good run. Then I remembered that my stomach hurt, and apparently the marginal utility of saltines in calming upset stomachs rapidly fades after about four. So needless to say, I was certainly no better off. In fact, now my stomach hurt and I had cotton-mouth. Not cool.
So in short, I think that there should be a warning on the side of Saltine boxes telling people that yes, saltines are good for upset stomachs and no, you can't eat more than ten in a minute, but most importantly, that you should never try both at once.
I opened the box and had myself a Saltine. Then realizing that I was pretty hungry, I ate another one. And then another one. And then one more. About fifteen seconds had elapsed since my first cracker. So then I remembered that it's supposed to be impossible to eat ten saltines in under a minute. I thought to myself, "I'm already at four...what the hell." So I pulled out the sleeve of crackers and had at it. I probably ate about twelve in about a minute thirty. It being 3am and pitch black, I didn't have a watch to time myself, but I figured I gave it a good run. Then I remembered that my stomach hurt, and apparently the marginal utility of saltines in calming upset stomachs rapidly fades after about four. So needless to say, I was certainly no better off. In fact, now my stomach hurt and I had cotton-mouth. Not cool.
So in short, I think that there should be a warning on the side of Saltine boxes telling people that yes, saltines are good for upset stomachs and no, you can't eat more than ten in a minute, but most importantly, that you should never try both at once.
